Ken's Bizarre Humor

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Alpaca Parody Songs ¦ The CDs ¦ To Order ¦ Our Alpaca Songs ¦ Mill Songs ¦ West Pasture Story ¦ Other Stuff

Whether you call it wacky or clever, musical parody just seems to come to me. Whether you enjoy it or just groan in agony, I'm hereby sharing some of my creations with the world.

Alpaca Parody Songs

The premise of these little parody songs is that if alpacas could really sing, and if these human performers were born as alpacas, how their hit songs might be different. I know that’s a stretch, but I was great fan of Allan Sherman and Homer and Jethro, and seem to have some small knack for mangling lyrics myself. Many of these were inspired by my own alpacas’ behavior, observed while doing morning chores.
To fully appreciate the humor, you need two things:
- To be old enough to remember the original song lyrics
- A little basic knowledge about alpacas
I can't do much about the former, but here are a few alpaca facts.

The First CD

Arranged by original performer, includes selections by the following artists:

The Ames Brothers
Julie Andrews
The Beach Boys
Richard Burton
The Carpenters
Petula Clark
Nat King Cole
John Denver
Roberta Flack
Connie Francis
Leslie Gore
Don Ho
Jack Jones
The Four Lads
Brenda Lee

The Mamas & The Papas
Barry Manilow
Johnny Mathis
The McGuire Sisters
Mitch Miller
Roger Miller
Harry Nilsson
Dolly Parton
Elvis Presley
Johnnie Ray
Fred Rogers
Simon & Garfunkle
Frank Sinatra
Barbra Striesand

Here are a few samples from the CD:
* * * WARNING: Playback is not feasible for dial-up connection. Sorry! * * *

Petula Clark   The Other Herd's Grass...
Connie Francis  Who's Spittin' Now?
Leslie Gore  It's My Shearing...
Don Ho  Fuzzy Faces

The Second CD New Release

Arranged by themes (such as Humming and Shearing) this one includes selections by some of the same artists, plus these new ones, as well as several "standards":

5th Dimension
Anthony Newly
Doris Day
Everly Brothers
Gene Kelly
Gene McDaniels
Jiminy Cricket
Jimmy Dean
Johnny Nash
Neil Sedaka

Olivia Newton John
Paul Anka
Perry Como
Ray Charles
Rex Harrison
Snow White
The Association
The Beatles
Three Dog Night

I want to acknowledge the contributions of parody lyrics to this CD from Vanessa Emmons and Rachel "Sunshine" Simpson. (See? I'm not the only one with this "gift"!) Their tracks are identified on the playlist inside the CD.

Here are a few samples from the CD:
* * * same WARNING applies * * *

Jimmy Dean   Big Don by Vanessa Emmons
Three Dog Night  Billy Jo Was an Alpaca by Vanessa
Standard  Only Have Eyes For Food
Snow White  Some Day My Prince Will Hum

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Our Alpaca Songs

These songs are specifically about the Alpacas of Star Castle Farm.

Hey Duke
Tune: Hey Jude
Hey, Duke
Don’t be afraid
After shearing
You’ll feel much better…

Eating From My Hand
Tune: If I Only Had A Brain
Oh I love to feel the nuzzle
Of a fuzzy muzzle
Eating right out of my hand
And it’s not such a puzzle
Why it feels good when they guzzle
Paca feed right from my hand

Sweet Dakota
Tune: Desperado
Sweet Dakota
You are the finest alpaca
You’re sweet and you’re gentle
Although kind of shy
Don’t be timid
You outshine all of the others
With your beautiful face
And soft friendly ways

Click here to see pictures of our alpacas on our Star Castle Fiber Mill Web Page.

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Mill Songs

Dirt Flinger* song
Tune: Singin’ in the Rain
I’m flingin’ in the barn, just flingin’ in the barn
What a glorious feeling, when it becomes yarn
I’m laughing at fuzz all over the place
When orders come in, got a smile on my face

It’s checked and it’s weighed, then it’s ready to fling
And that is my job, so I’m ready to sing
Just singin’ and flingin’ in the barn
*Our nickname for tumbling the fiber to remove loose dirt

Mill Theme song
Tune: In My Life
There are fleeces I remember
In my mill, I’ve seen them all
Some were white and some were colored
Browns and grays and blacks, and fawn-colored too
Some were even dyed when we got them
In pink, yellow, green, or purple or blue
All these fleeces had their moments
In Spinner and Card, I still can recall
Some were spun and some went to roving
In my mill, I’ve seen them all

Plying Medley
Tune: We Can Fly (from “Peter Pan”)
Think of the wonderful gifts
You can make from yarn like this
Sweaters, mittens, scarves and gloves
So many things that they’ll just love
But now it’s time to ply
So let’s ply, we can ply, we can ply
Tune: Come Fly With Me
Come ply with me, come ply, come ply today
Then it will be skeined and washed and dried
And packed and all ready to send away
Come ply with me, come ply, come ply today

Spinning Frame song
Tune: Spinning Wheel
What gets spun
Must get plied
Spinning frame
Takes both in stride
Talkin' 'bout my spinning frame’s a matter of pride
See the pretty fiber through the spinning frame glide

Coming in on the way to spin
Is the straight and narrow roving
These are spun
and sent to ply
Just watch them fly
Within your eye
and show you, the colors
that are real

Someone's waiting
for this yarn
Spinning frame,
made it so fine
Drop all your fleeces by the Fiber Mill
We will send it through and
let the spinning frame shine…

Reaction to Pre-dyed fiber
Tune: Deep Purple
When the deep purple fleece
Makes my eyeball size increase
As I watch it, I can’t help a double-take
And as long as I live to be
I know that I’ll never see
A purple paca that ain’t fake!

Click here to see pictures of the mill machines on our Star Castle Fiber Mill Web Page.

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West Pasture Story

I have also written a parody skit about alpaca life. For various reasons, the whole skit has never been performed. (However I will do a stand-up routine of Excerpts from West Pasture Story if invited.) To whet your appetite, here are intros from all four of the cast:
* * * WARNING: Playback is not feasible for dial-up connection. Sorry! * * *

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Other Bizarre Stuff

Dishwasher Dog
Tune: Makin’ Whoopee
Another lick
Another plate
But here’s the trick
Just don’t be late
That’s what you get, pup
When you’re a pet, pup
Is lickin’ dishes

Washington Tongue Twister
Tune: I Left My Heart in San Francisco
I left my tongue
In Walla Walla Washington
Spoke-ain, See-kwim, and Poo-yawl-up
To be where ferries carry cars
And firs reach to the stars
The clouds of gray
They fill the air, I don’t care
My tongue waits there
In Walla Walla Washington
To say those names
That end in “ish”
When I come home to you
Walla Walla Washington
Those tongue-tie names
Will still be there

Parody of Commercials that use popular songs
Tune: “Day-O” (Harry Belafonte)
Mayo, May-ay-ay-ay-O
It’s my sandwich and I want mayo
Mayo, May-mayo-may-mayo-may-may-ay-ay-O
It’s my sandwich and I want mayo
Come mister Deli man make me up a sandwich
It’s my sandwich and I want mayo
Four-inch, Six-inch, eight-inch Buns
It’s my sandwich and I want mayo
Wheat bread, taco shell, don’t care which one
Don’t much matter long as it’s Mayo
Roast Beef, Tuna Fish, Turkey, or Ham
Long as it’s Mayo, I don’t give a darn
Provolone, Cheddar, Mozarella or Swiss
If it’s Mayo, then you really can’t miss
Don’t want mustard, or relish, or Butter
If it’s not Mayo, it belongs in the gutter
Mayo, May-ay-ay-ay-O
It’s my sandwich and I want mayo

A Gnarly Limerick
A gnome with a gneiss, a gnu, and gnat
Went for a walk, at the drop of a hat
(The gnat actually flew)
Gnome and gneiss rode the gnu
But the gnome gnashed his teeth as he sat

Unbizarre

Just in case you were wondering, besides what my daughter calls my "Goofy Daddy" side, I do have a serious side as well. I am very passionate about preserving the United States Constitution, about the connections between all people and their spritual source, about our earth home, etc. If you are curious about that part of who I am, click here to see the Medicine Shield I created.
I am also learning a healing technique that anyone can do with amazing results. Learn more at www.quantumtouch.com.

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